Please help...???
Please can somebody help me out with a tiny bit of text? I made this photo and am not sure about the narrative. Is it proper English? And is there a way to make the text perhaps somewhat shorter and/or stronger?
I'm not quite satisfied but can't seem to put the finger on the 'why' and it frustrates the hell out of me! Forever grateful!!!!!!!!
(And probably will be the last to see the new HP - Wednesday!)



The text is:

He is tired.
So tired and scared.
Tired of all the demands and expectations people and society put upon him.
Tired of the mask he ended up wearing 24/7.
Tired of the conformist he has become.
What's become of all his wild dreams, ideals and fantasies?
What has become of him?
Who is he?
Really?
He so desperately wants to know yet he finds himself too scared to find out.
Because when he looks inside, it's dark.
And everybody knows that monsters live in the dark.

(Sorry for the huge photo but it's best seen large)